How To Cherish Every Stage of Parenting
6,574 days…
That’s the number of days you have to cherish before your kids grow up.
6,574 bedtime tuck-in
2,340 school lunches
65 days of spring break
54 months of summer
20 tooth fairy visits
18 birthdays
13 first days of school
1 chance in a lifetime
In the early days of parenting when physical exhaustion is a constant albatross around your neck, it can be easy to throw some of these times away or even resent the obligations surrounding these parental duties. The words “tuck yourself in” or an exasperated “really?!” have been known to escape my lips at a nightly request.
For the last nearly two decades, my identity has rested largely around my four children at home. Being a mom of my little tribe has been my greatest joy. Now, things are changing with a new era full of bittersweet goodbyes and beyond exciting hellos.
Dr. Seuss said, “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
I find myself cherishing those moments more in these twilight days of adolescence. Say “yes” as much as you possibly can! Know that one day you’ll miss those requests for a third cup of water and cover adjusting (I promise, I’m there).
One day as I was cleaning the room of my youngest child, I found a toy figure of Woody from Toy Story sitting playfully on the shelf, leading the inner child in me to wonder… what if the toys really did come to life like they did in the movie? A wave of nostalgia flooded over me as I realized my sweet little guy had written his name on the bottom of Woody’s shoe with a marker. As the sounds of “You’ve Got A Friend in Me” starting playing in my mind, it felt painfully bittersweet.
Parenting is the best and most rewarding adventure. In my early days of motherhood, one of my mentors gave me very wise advice to eagerly and fully embrace every phase I’m in at the moment. I know all too well the crushing guilt associated with growing up. Every step you take forward is a step you leave your parents behind and for those parents not ready to say goodbye, every step feels like a betrayal as every step towards building your own identity results in the dismantling of theirs.
I made a conscious decision early on to love every stage of parenting and to refuse to pine for days past. I’m in the middle part of parenting. I don’t have littles. I’m past that stage of carrying around an insane amount of gear “just in case”.... two change of clothes, diapers, wipies, pacifiers, snacks, drinks, sunscreen, bug spray, towels, toys, books... the last time we went to Disneyworld with a stroller, my husband literally threw it into the trash in a fit of frustration after folding and unfolding, parking and finding a kajillion times.
I’m also not at the stage where I have grown kids and grandkids. I’ve got almost a decade before I’ll be an empty nester with sole control of the remote, food that stays in the fridge, a neat singular hamper of laundry, and the luxury of keeping new car smells not replaced by lingering sports gear aromas.
I’m content here in the middle. I’m enjoying the fullness of this moment in the here and now. I won’t lament for times past and live in the old days. Instead, I’ll cherish those days that got us to this moment. I won’t fear or dread the days ahead. Instead, I’ll savor the anticipation of the coming full bloom. Being a parent is best when we can savor each moment and appreciate the good, the bad, and the ugly while appreciating those as part of the journey.
For those of you in the early days, hang in there and cherish these sweet days. They leave quickly and the physical toils of parenting labors are replaced by more arduous emotional toils of the teen years. I’m so grateful for these twilight hours of having littles in the house. I’ve just experienced the reality of not having a child in elementary school, the first time in almost 14 years!
My advice:
· You can be a good housekeeper, a good cook, a good parent, a good spouse, a good friend, and a good employee. On any given day, you can usually pick two from that list. Choose strategically.
· These will be the longest days and shortest years of your life. Bedtime seems like it will never come but somehow they learn to walk in the blink of an eye. In those long days, write down things you’re grateful for- you’ll cherish that effort one day.
· Value relationships over things. In ten years, freaking out about a stain on your couch will seem silly. Broken stuff can be replaced- your reaction to children breaking said stuff can’t be replaced. It will make an indelible imprint and conveys what you value.
· Be content when your house doesn’t look like a magazine. Accept that it’s lived in. Appreciate the pile of shoes at the door as evidence of lives being lived, and memories being made. Cups everywhere means everyone is hydrated after playing outside. Give yourself a high five for providing nourishment!
· Forgive yourself when you mess up. Apologize with sincerity and show your children how to be resilient and that failure isn’t fatal.
So, in these days of parenting, take that pause when you can. Go for that walk. Snuggle on the couch and watch that movie. Put your phone down and listen with your face.
Too many days are too busy. There is no prize for busiest parent. There is no award for cleanest house. Now is the time to create a precious memory bank of investments that will feed your soul when they’re gone, with the satisfaction of seeing the fruits of what you planted in these days. Remember, children are living messages you send to a time you won’t see. 6,574 days…
That’s the number of days you have to cherish before your kids grow up.
Reflect: What do you enjoy most about the current stage of parenting you’re in now? How can you more actively embrace your current stage?