How To Travel Intentionally with Your Teens Without Losing Your Mind
When my kids were younger and we first started traveling together as a family, it was a heavy lift for me as a mom. I had to pack each suitcase individually to avoid arriving with mismatched winter clothes at a beach, no underwear, and an odd assortment of broken toys and open food packages.
Packing baby gear was a ninja level parenting exercise in thinking through every possible “what if” scenario and preparing accordingly…
Poopy diaper explosion on a plane?
Snacks to avoid a major meltdown?
Extra clothes for the moment you let your kid throw up down your shirt to avoid a permanent vomit-crust in your brand new minivan? (Oh wait, am I the only one who’s ever done that?)
Then there was that time my husband literally threw our stroller in a dumpster leaving Disneyworld because he was so sick of jiggling the handle just right to get it collapsed for the bus ride.
You wonder if it’s worth it as you spoon feed every bite, bathe every body, manage every meltdown, and part with every penny for an experience that doesn’t seem to impress. But then you look at that one photo of a smiling face, treasured and framed and you know it’s all worth it.
My kids are teens now, and traveling takes on a life of its own. I don’t have to pack suitcases anymore but I also don’t get to dictate the itinerary.
Here are three reasons why I love traveling with my teens:
Travel teaches them the world is bigger than where we live. They meet new people, experience different cultures, and gain confidence navigating new situations.
They gain practical skills- reading maps, navigating, budgeting, making reservations, meeting travel requirements, being flexible when plans change, and planning meals.
Time together away from distractions of an invitation to go out that night, the doorbell ringing, friends coming over, or the temptation to nag them about their room or chores floats blissfully away for a few short days.
Most of all, I just love their company! I know, I know. They can be moody and unpredictable, groan about each outing, roll their eyes at your requests and complain about anything and everything. But… consider flipping the narrative. Stop focusing on pointing out and correcting every negative behavior. Instead, consider yourself a detective looking for any clues of positive behaviors and emotions. When you find them, spotlight and celebrate them. If you invest your emotional energy into positive reinforcement, you will have a more positive view of your teen and even better, they will have a more positive view of themselves.
Next time you’re thinking about taking teens on travel, consider these practical tips!
Invite them to help you plan
This can help them feel competent and confident finding options friendly for every destination, budget, and age group. It also can make them eager to participate in the chosen activity rather than complaining and feeling like you’re dragging them along.
In practice: I gave my teens travel dates, a budget, and a Southwest Airlines route map and told them to come up with a proposal. We ended up with a creative trek from Savannah, Georgia through Hilton Head and ended up in Charleston, S.C. For the most part, I sat back and relaxed in their prep work.
We also love to visit other churches when we travel. It’s wonderful to see other styles of worship and meet other people with a shared faith! We’ve been greeted with leis and coconut smoothies as church guests in Hawaii, invited over for tacos by a worship minister and his family in San Francisco, welcomed into a circle of college students in Vancouver, blessed by simple worship with a guitar in a mountain church in Colorado, and worshipped with a congregation with a 200 year history in Virginia. I will often task my teens with finding a church to visit.
Give them opportunities to be independent
It’s essential for teens to develop navigational life skills as they prepare for college. Feeling like they can independently navigate new situations will translate easily and pay dividends. They need to know you don’t see them as little kids and that you have confidence in their ability. Take advantage of safe parameters and let them fly!
In practice: Allow your teens to check-in independently at the airport counter and handle their luggage and boarding passes. Separate at the airport and let them navigate security independently, and tell them to meet you at your gate. When you need directions or assistance, ask your teens to handle direct interactions and requests with service persons. Give them small amounts of cash and put them in charge of tipping wait staff, cleaning personnel, your guides, and luggage attendants. Task them with figuring out departure times for a scheduled adventure to make sure you arrive on time. Delegate them as responsible for paying restaurant bills, including calculating the tip.
Encourage them to try something new
There’s nothing more gratifying than to see a teen do something they thought they could never do or conquering a fear that held them back. Create spaces and opportunities for teens to have a new experience. It gives them confidence to navigate other unfamiliar situations where they might be a little afraid. If they’re not eager, drop it. Don’t make it a power struggle or a guilt trip. Let them stay behind or miss out. It’s okay! Simply provide opportunity- and you set the example by going first!
In practice: When you’re in Louisiana and someone offers you a chance to hold a baby alligator, you do it! (Okay, that was specifically me and maybe the boat driver was offended when I used hand sanitizer and told me, “Lady, my gator ain’t dirty….” and maybe that’s an epic family story now). Schedule a new experience together: hiking, camping, snorkeling, biking, zip lining, roller coasters! Lead the way by surprising your kids in doing something they wouldn’t expect. Teens love nothing more than to see you do something unexpected. Recently, I went horseback riding and mountain biking in the same day with my boys. I am in the over 40 crowd and I paid for that a little the next day but it was worth it to hear their affirmation of “Wow Mom, good job!”
Take away their tech
Well, that’s bold but I dare you to do it. It’s good for ALL of us to disconnect and take a break. Designate a tech free vacay day where EVERYONE (that means parents too) agrees to disconnect from their phones and devices. They need to know the world won’t stop if they go offline for a day. Really. They need to be free from the pressure of social media snapstreaks and insta-ready appearances. You need to be free from the pressure of thinking your work will fall apart and the world might not go on if you don’t respond to an email immediately.
In practice: put out a puzzle, host a movie night with snacks, play board or card games, take a walk, plan a water day, or adventure somewhere that has no cell service. If you plan ahead, this avoids the pressure of taking the devices- it simply happens. Having no cell service in Yellowstone, the Smoky Mountains, the Rocky Mountains, and the Road to Hana created some very entertaining adventures for our family!
Reflect: What stressors does your family have with travel? How can you plan ahead to build physical time and emotional space to nurture your teens and create lifelong memories?
From my heart to your home,