How to Be A Great Digital Storyteller

How are you telling your teen’s story? 

Are you a thoughtful digital curator?

How will your narrative shade their self-image? 

When I tell people I’m the mom of four teens at once, inevitably I get responses ranging from wide-eyed, meme-worthy head tilts to frank expressions of sympathy and prayers. The most common reaction I hear is joking. 

"Good thing God planned for them to grow up and become teenagers, otherwise we wouldn't be so happy to see them leave home."

"I used to think the terrible twos were bad. Then my kids became teens and I apologized to my old self!"

“Funny, when I try to talk to my kids their face is always in their phone but whenever I call them they are nowhere near their phone!”

"I changed the WiFi password so my teen has to come out of their room and talk to me." 

"Get a dog so someone in your house will be happy to see you." 

While these jokes elicit a chuckle from consoling friends, we all use humor to dull pain. We miss those early parenting days when we were the hero, beloved and smothered with affection and admiration. My oldest kids grew up before social media. Their childhood doesn’t exist in digital memory and so I rely on 35-mm faded photos and the movies in my mind. I close my eyes and I remember like it was yesterday.

I remember days endlessly filled with crying babies, dirty diapers, crumb-filled mini-vans, toddler meltdowns, and sticky messes. My life was ruled by managing poop! It seemed 5pm would never, ever come - that magical moment my husband would walk in the door and I would greet him grumpily with my messy-bun, dirty hair, yoga pants, no make-up, exhausted self. He would gleefully entertain little bundles of energy while I jealously eyed their carefree interactions, threw something together for dinner, and if I was lucky, take a shower. 

I remember waking up in the morning after being up with sick babies and literally splashing ice water on my face to wake up, telling myself in the mirror "Get a grip. You can do this!" 

I remember enduring toddler separation anxiety and wondering if I would ever have a moment's peace. 

I remember wiping elementary tears over hurt feelings, skinned knees, and broken friendships. 

I remember sitting on the end of the bed, soothing junior high insecurities, reassuring and repairing wounds from hurtful words that found their mark. 

I remember feeling anxiety as my new driver rode away for the first time with the exhilaration of freshly found independence. 

I remember crying myself to sleep, feeling like the worst mother in the world who had surely failed miserably. This definitely happened more than once. 

I remember what felt like the longest days and the shortest years of my life. 

But...

I remember sweet snuggles and cuddles. 

I remember happy smiles and laughter.

I remember thrilling new adventures and the joy of new journeys.

I remember cheering hard-fought victories with glorious celebrations. 

I remember the simple wonders of exploring new books and competing in silly games.

I remember the pride swelling from my heart as I saw courage and resilience in adversity.

I remember every sorrow has been traded for joy a thousand times over. 

I remember to be grateful for every cherished moment and to eagerly embrace each new stage that comes. 

I remember - the greatest honor of my life is to be called "mom." 

As my children aged, these stories no longer reside only in the corners of our minds but are permanently etched into digital archives on our social platforms. No longer will these stories and memories just reside with us as parents, but our children will see in living color the exact narrative of their life we have authored. 

If we’re really honest, as parents we often have a love/hate relationship with social media. We love our own interactions… but we hate our kids’ use of it. Often, we don’t give much thought to posting on our own social media about our kids. Common shared experiences we all have and often see are frustrations about teen drama, funny bath photos, relief over being “kid-free” for the moment, asking advice on personal struggles, or bemoaning angst about teen dating or driving ...it’s called “sharenting.” Social media is a reality of 21st century parenting. It’s a great way to connect & seek support. But think about this, social MEdia is not just about “me” as a parent.

You are the literal caretaker of your child’s permanent digital footprint. 

One day they will look at everything you have posted as a chronicle of their childhood and see themselves through your eyes. What will they see? A narrative that conveys approval only through accomplishments? Dirty laundry aired about conflicted relationships? A parade of embarrassing moments? A pattern of frustration directed at one child more than others? 

This is a big responsibility. So, think before you post. 

T- Is it True?

H- Is it Helpful?

I- Is it Inspiring?

N- Is it Necessary?

K- Is it Kind?

It’s okay to be authentic and vulnerable. But ask yourself, how does this story fit into the life chapter I’m writing? Is this posted in love or in anger? Can we laugh about this in the years to come? Is this a moment I want to preserve forever? 

Sometimes our posts can cause pressure to live up to the image we are creating.  I have made it a practice to ask my teens’ permission to post photos of them on my social media. I want them to feel good about what I post. I want my narrative to be in sync with the best version of their self-image. I want them to look back and see that I believed in them even when there were challenges or conflict. I want them to know I though they were absolutely beautiful even when they felt awkward. I want them to love their digital footprint and see it as a preview of the person they were growing up to be. 

I think of the lyrics in the musical Hamilton. 

Who lives, who dies, who tells your story? 

Parents, we have the extraordinary joy and privilege of telling our child’s story. Let’s make it a good one for them to fondly remember in the years to come with appreciation for the author. 

Reflect: What is the overarching narrative of the digital footprint you’ve created for your teen? How can you start a new chapter of intentional storytelling, carefully curating moments that will impact their self-perception for years to come?